Ways to have a better conversation

 As writer and radio host Celeste Headlee states, “there is no reason to learn to show that you’re paying attention if you are, in fact, paying attention.” Simply, we need to spend less time learning how to show people that we are listening and spend more time learning how to actually listen to each other and converse effectively. Here are some ways that you can have a better conversation:

1. Don't Multitask 

Don’t think about your argument you had with your boss. Don’t think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation but don’t be half in it and half out of it. Be present and be in the moment. 

2. Use open ended questions 

avoiding very closed-ended questions which could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. Instead, “Try asking them things like, ‘What was that like?’ ‘How did that feel?’ Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.

3. Go with the flow

Almost everyone is guilty of thinking of a really interesting point whilst someone is speaking, and then waiting impatiently for the person to finish to jump in!

thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. By learning to let your thoughts go and go with the flow, you will be much better at adapting to how the conversation is going. Are they engaged? Is it time to lighten the mood with some humour?

4. If you don't know, say you don't know

People appreciate vulnerability and honesty and it should always be the foundation of a good conversation. Understand it’s perfectly fine not to know something, and people do not expect you to know everything.

5. Don't equate your experience with theirs

Your attempts to show empathy are admirable, you shouldn’t always be the hero of every story. The best thing you can do is give the other person the space they need to tell their story. Listen and lend support if needed.

6. Try not to repeat yourself

If you do feel like you have a tendency to ramble, try to turn the conversation back to the other person. Open the door for them to speak about their experiences in more detail. When put into practice, you should feel that the conversation becomes more even and you are dominating it less.

7. Stay out of the weeds

When recounting experiences or stories try to focus more on what happened rather than the specifics. You are not being tested on this, the other person just wants to learn more about you.

8. Listen

The most important thing to remember is you are listening to understand, not just to reply. Since the brain can process what we hear far quicker than how fast someone speaks, our mind fills in the blank space in-between what the other person is saying.

Our job is to focus on the other person’s responses, ask insightful questions, and not wait for the conversational trigger to transition talk back to us.

9. Be Brief 

Just get to the point. Don’t over-explain. Are you giving them too much information that they don’t need to know? Say what you need to say, then stop talking and listen to what the other person has to say.